I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
