hotel room ftw
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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