JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
