dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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