I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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