I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
