just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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