I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
