she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
