i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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