my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
