I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize