I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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