that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
