Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
