"it" just moved
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
