the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
