we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I've blown a few things in my day
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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