What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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