why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize