we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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