There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
