I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
