He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
