You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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