I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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