New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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