One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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