I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
