i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i love accidental penises.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
