we're blogging at a bar
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
