I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
