How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
