the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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