Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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