I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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