At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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