So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
