Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hell yes lets make some ravioli
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
