she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
