so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
