Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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