I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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