She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
