She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
