just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
