Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Randomize
