i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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