"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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