what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
