I want to stick my p in your. b.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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