im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
