david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
