I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
