I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
