saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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