I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
