Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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