Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
