Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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