But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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