Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
