I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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