So drunk its hurt
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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