How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
