apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
