Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you win again, gameday.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
