margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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