Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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