Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
