shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
